


Say Hello

by Flowerbed_Owl



Category: Antisepticeye - Fandom, Youtubers, jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Anti's origin story, Gen, Sharing a Body, does that count as unreliable narrator? probably, it's in third person but it only describes things from Anti's perspective, sort of first person but not really?, this turned out like 10km long jesus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 22:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11262318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flowerbed_Owl/pseuds/Flowerbed_Owl
Summary: What happens when you suddenly find yourself attached to a person who doesn't want to share? (Anti's origin story)





	Say Hello

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This takes place right before the October events. Anti uses they/them pronouns in this story because I couldn't figure out a reason for them to go for specifically gendered ones, and also it makes it less confusing; sorry it's one big giant thing, I didn't think to separate it into chapters haha. Hope you enjoy still!

Glowing eyes. It was all it could see in the mirror. Its form was blurry, and wispy, and distorted, like it was made of shadow. It had no name, no place, no self. It had just been born, yet had existed forever. It stared into those eyes before it for a few moments, or perhaps a few centuries. As it gazed into them, their curious color pulsated slightly, shimmering with light. It was still for a moment, mesmerized; after some time, it pulled back and decided to act.

It reached out towards the reflection, or perhaps it was a screen, and the glass shifted; before it was now.... something. The something had a curious form. It was made of a material soft yet coarse at times and it was so warm. Looking more closely, it discovered fluffy hair, a mouth, ears, and a pair of blue eyes. They were not glowing like the ones previously, but it was curiously attracted to them. They were moving - quietly twitching back and forth, but not blinking, while the rest of the face was frozen in place.

It reached out a second time. They did not shift, but instead paused in place with a dead stare. Disappointed, it pulled away. But… it couldn't. There were things it couldn't do. It didn't know how to feel about that; emotion was a tricky thing to master. Would it be allowed to reach out again…? Yes. It came even closer, until it wasn't sure the face wasn't its own. A little closer- and, oh, it could feel! Physical contact was new. A lot more exciting and intense than observing, it found. It pushed forward again, taking in the sensation. It felt warm, and full of friction and texture; it experienced it all around itself, not having a concrete form to contain the sensation in.

But it didn't get to enjoy it for long - it had now discovered pain. It didn't know pain was unpleasant, so it only thought of it as something new and different; it was strong and it was rich and it was pulsating. Nevertheless, it had shocked it at first, and it took a moment to gather itself from the sudden sensation. Distracted, it glanced back at the thing before it - and it was gone. It spun its head around anxiously, searching for it, somewhere in this endless void- oh. It had a head. "I found it," it realized, and discovered thinking; this was all happening in a moment, all suddenly changing so fast without a second to spare. Its form was no longer shadows and phantoms - it was made from skin, and bones, and blood. It had limbs - useful for physical contact, as it discovered shortly, figuring out its new abode.

 

It stayed, quietly, for a while, playing with its new body, wanting to know as much as possible about it, to learn all its functions. "I'm alive now," they thought, and decided that they should probably be referred to as such. They weren't bored here; it was rather calming - being in a physical body. They felt... safe, soft, warm, like their existence was protected by it - they had proof that yes, they were alive, and they couldn't be whisked out of this world at any moment. They had no such feeling before this, and they didn't realize how much better it could be, rather than the cold uncertainty of just relying on yourself to believe in your existence, if it even was existence at all. It had not been long since they felt like that, but it seemed almost impossible to return to it now. Thinking back to that experience, it gave this feeling even more warmth and life and security, and they felt almost enveloped in it.

They basked in the feeling for a good while, passing hours or perhaps days. They had gotten somewhat used to it already, and it was good, and it was peaceful. Nothing disturbed them, until suddenly, softly, they felt a curious warmth on their skin - light was streaming from somewhere above, filling the space with color and almost engulfing them. They stood, lifting their face up to try and find the source of the light, but their eyes weren't focusing, despite their best efforts. It at first seemed to be because of how bright it was, but they quickly realized their whole body was rapidly growing out of focus and hazy - it was like the blood was flowing out of their limbs, and an uncomfortable hotness gathered in their chest. Already, they couldn't move their fingers, their arms were weak, and they weren't sure their limbs weren't turning back to shadow again when they weren't looking.

Fear started to rise up in them. They couldn't go back! They couldn't return to just.... being, not having anything to anchor them to this reality, just having... themself. They tried to fight it, but the numbness was already spreading. Fear turned to panic, and they shook spasmodically from side to side, trying to get at least some movement to happen, but it didn't bring any results. They were exhausted with fear, but they tried so hard just to do _something_. Then, with one final pull, they were knocked out of consciousness, all control of the body lost.

 

When they were back again, everything seemed vaguely the same, but they could tell time had passed. Glancing around, they figured it wasn't as dark, nor was the light as blinding at before; it was soft now, filling the entire space evenly. It might have looked somewhat pleasing, but they didn't care. They were back to being bodyless and they were scared and so desperate. They needed to- no, no, they _had to_ get it back.

It was nowhere to be found in… whatever this place was, and they started questioning themself. "Why was I given this self, why was I allowed to have this, just to get it taken away?" Anxieties kept bubbling inside them, rising up and falling down like an endless waterfall. A while passed like this, thoughts circling around and around as time flowed by. Everything around them was still the same. Not feeling any better, they decided to at least explore this space they ended up in, if nothing else.

Nothing changed as they moved around, aside from the shadows deepening in some places, indicating some sort of barrier or at least a solid shape. They couldn't get any closer to it, but it was clear that this wasn't an endless void, but instead a closed space. This helped them feel a little safer. They let out a sigh, and it echoed and distorted as it bounced around. If there was nothing they could do for now, they might as well relax. But they kept bringing back the feeling in their mind, in the hopes that they might somehow make it real again. Was it really just a taunt from the universe, to show them something they couldn't have?

Feeling small and tired, they rested. Their slumber was light and easily disturbed, but it helped to quell some of their fears. After some time had passed - it was difficult to tell how fast it went by here - a noise had awoken them; it was quick enough that they didn't notice it in time to make it out fully, but it was soft and slightly electric. They listened closely, wondering if it would return - there it was again! It was... humming? Yes, someone was humming a cheery, non-distinct melody. They found this odd, but certainly not the strangest thing to have happened to them recently; the humming sounded friendly, and they were more curious than wary. "Hello?" they spoke for the first time, if you could call it speaking; perhaps it would be better described as outwardly thinking. Their voice shifted unnaturally, seemingly made of static, but it was still discernible.

The humming stopped. They waited for a response intently; this was the first person or at least being they'd encountered that wasn't them. A minute or two passed, but there was only silence. Discouraged, they were about to give up, but then, a little more timidly at first, the noise started up again. "Can you hear me?" They spoke a little louder, hoping to get the attention of whoever this was. It stopped again. A long moment of silence hung around, but then the same warm electric voice wondered quietly, "That's... weird, the hell is that?" They were slightly taken aback by this; they weren't used to the outside world reacting to them, and it was inevitably a bit shocking, even though they had hoped they would get a reply.

"Who are you?" they inquired, now hoping the newcomer could help them. There was silence again, and it was longer, and the space felt tense. Would he respond again? Finally, a sigh and a slightly humorous "I need some more water". Confused, they reached out again, a little helplessly, "Please, can you help me?" A pang of fear struck them, but it wasn't their own - they felt it… outwardly, belonging to someone else. What did he have to be afraid of? They didn't question how they knew this stranger's pronouns and name and favorite color and childhood memories, yet knowing barely anything about _who_ he actually was. Receiving no response, they called out louder, "I know you can hear me! Who are you?" Fear grew stronger, but the silence didn't break.

"Help me!" they pleaded, demanding his attention. They were desperate; why would he just ignore them like this? All they needed was to return their body; they didn't care what happened to them after that. But they needed to feel safe again. A few minutes passed, but he didn't reply still. Instead, a wave of cold passed through the space and the light became brighter, clearing it up a bit. "That should do the trick," he decided, voice betraying anxiety still. Anger sparked from their despair like friction begins a fire. "Sean!" they spoke, hoping to get his attention at least by using his name. Fear pierced the space again. "Please, help me! Answer!" The air shivered with anxious uncertainty. "...Or maybe I need some more sleep."

They felt broken; what was the point of finding someone else if all they did was ignore you, your cries for help? Not bothering any more with trying to communicate, they slumped back, defeated and afraid. They pondered their situation for a while, having nothing else they could do. But the space gradually became darker and a little hazier; they’d noticed this later, oblivious to it at first. At least something was happening. It kept dimming steadily, until it was pitch black. Soft murmuring sounds wandered through the air, but it was nothing significant enough to pay special attention to.

 

They went back to their rest, but before they could do this - somehow it happened in between moments - they found themself looking at.... a bedroom? Confused at first, they quickly realized what had happened. Their heart - oh, _yes_ , they had a heart again - beat fast, like it was going to spring from their chest. They sat up quickly and grabbed their face with their hands, making sure it was there, and the rest of the body; immense relief washed through them, and they fell back onto the bed, still breathing heavily. Some minutes passed, and after the initial rush of adrenaline faded, they looked around the room. The bed they were on was fairly big, and they could see a desk and a closet near the far wall. The sky was overcast outside the window, but it seemed like it was still early morning.

They weren't particularly concerned about what this place was, but they were curious, so they got up and examined the desk; there were a few notebooks and papers on it. They flipped through a few of them, then moved on, not finding anything of interest. The closet wasn't particularly attention-grabbing either, filled mostly with different clothes. They switched on the bedside lamp for no real reason, and that was about all this room had to offer. They peeked out through the open door into the hallway, deciding to explore more of the house. Taking the stairs down, they entered a living room. They wandered around it for a while, picking at different items, and then sat down on the couch in the middle of the room. They were a little afraid of relaxing, in case this would all be gone again, but they let themself rest for just a small while, looking around at their surroundings.

Then they remembered; there must be a bathroom here, and probably a mirror. They were curious to see how their face looked - had they missed anything? Slightly anxious, they got up and went upstairs into the hallway once again. The room was small and clean when they entered. They switched on the lights, and turned to the mirror above the sink. There it was; pale rosy skin, tired, sleepy eyes, and messy green hair. They expected to see those blue irises from before, but instead their eyes were pitch-black - like ink was filling the entire eyeballs from inside. This surprised them at first glance, but it didn't concern them very much. They paused for a moment. There they were... they existed. This was the proof. This comforted them in a strange way… like it meant that they deserved to be alive. Sighing quietly, they gave themself a soft, timid smile, their face relaxing in uncertain acceptance.

 

For a split second, they saw their eyes turn white in the reflection.

 

"NO!" they wailed, having been thrown back out of control. They wanted to be angry, and enraged, and screaming. But they only felt _so, so desperate_. They would do _anything_ , just to keep this form, just to feel okay- "Did I... sleepwalk here? And... my eyes... god, I am really out of it today..." Sean's thoughts interrupted theirs as he woke up.

Finally, it clicked. They weren't alone here; this body already had an owner, and he had the control over it, at least in his waking hours. A feeling of cold dread washed over them. "Please, I can- I can do anything, it- it’s not fair for you to have everything to yourself- it's mine too!" they rambled frantically, hoping he wouldn't ignore them at least this once. There the fear was again; if he refused to answer, they hoped to use it to their advantage, at the very least. " _Answer me!_ I know you hear me! I know you are afraid of me! Please-" they choked on their words, "I am afraid too!"

 

Silence. They were willing to do this again and again and _again_ , just to get something out of him. "I... this isn't good." He was at least acknowledging them. It was a first step. "What do you want from me?" They both spoke in perfect unison, creating an unsettling echoing voice. Taken aback by this, they took a moment to gather themself and answered, "I just… I just need to be back. I need the control. I need to be safe." The space was still. He didn't reply. There was a shuddering breath, and Sean indistinctly wondered what to do. They were ready to break down; what would it take him to just answer, to just talk to them? What was it that made him afraid? They would find out, and they would use it. They _had_ to.

 

The rest of the day they continued to ask him anything, everything, just hoping he would answer. Sean made it a point to ignore them, but they could hear his thoughts quietly slipping through; he was still thinking of them, despite his best efforts. This gave them feverish hope and fueled their efforts; they kept talking more and more and more, until the space was filled to the brim with echoes. It was nearing the evening when he finally broke; "God, this isn't okay! I'm not supposed to fucking have voices in my head!" he spat the words out loud, and his voice was filled with fear, and spite, and panic.

They jumped at this opportunity; "You don't! This is just you, this is just _me_ , I'm fine!" they were quick to reassure, deciding to mimic him completely and completely willing to change their entire tactic at once. "I'm- can't you tell? You were just really out of it today, you had a late night yesterday, you- this happens! This happens to people! I'm still you!" They made it up on the spot, not wanting to lose this crucial moment. Sean was obviously scared and trying to find an explanation for this, and hey, this was the easiest one; if they could get him to believe it, this could work. They could feel him wavering. There was no reply from him, and they spoke carefully, trying not to betray their anxiety, "I'll be fine." Now they could only wait; saying more could ruin this whole thing.

But he didn't break; it was the easy way out, and it would've made him feel better, but he knew something more was going on. He did feel a little relieved in the moment, they could tell, but it hadn't worked as completely as they'd hoped. Frustration bubbled inside them, but they forced it back, knowing there was at least a chance now that they knew what he was afraid of. Sean didn't speak to them for the remainder of the evening, and they kept quiet, too. Finally, it was time for sleep; he'd stayed up quite a while, seemingly not wanting to give them any chance of taking control, but he couldn't stay like this forever.

 

Everything dulled again, much slower this time, and they could tell his sleep was restless and light. Nevertheless, they shifted into control again; the night was still and quiet, and the body rested comfortably. They reached out and put their hands together, as a way of giving themself some reassurance. They were afraid to move more, in case he would wake up. Would they only ever get to experience this for a few hours at a time, not even being able to move, simply trapped? It wasn't fair... it was not what they deserved. They lay quietly for a while, pondering. But they couldn't take it anymore; slowly, they reached up a hand to their face, just... wanting to feel that comforting touch. But only a few seconds after they'd felt the soft skin, they snapped back out of control. Frustration rose inside them again. They weren't sure whether he had realized what happened, but they kept quiet anyway.

The rest of the night he spent in only a light dose, not deep enough to let them take over. They toyed with the idea of trying to speak to him in his dreams, but decided against it, as they still wanted to convince him that they were one and the same. Hours passed; the morning light filtered through again, and Sean woke up, barely feeling any less exhausted. He mumbled a tired "Good morning" to himself before getting up. There was a hint of a peculiar sadness in his voice, and they almost felt pity. Not wasting any time, they soothed him, "I'll feel better today." He groaned. "Still here, isn't it?" Obviously, he wasn't believing it just yet, but he did seem less scared now. This could take a while; they were restless and not enjoying this at all, but it would be worth it in the end, wouldn't it?

Once he'd had his coffee and cleared his mind, he got to work. They spoke to him a few times during it, but again he didn't reply, though they could tell he was thinking about them often. They didn't give up, still having hope they could make this work in their favor. The day went by just like the last; near evening he'd done everything he needed to, and was reading a book of some sort, trying to keep himself awake for as long as possible. They didn't interrupt him. He gave in to a light sleep eventually a few hours later, not even getting to his bed. It wasn't deep enough this time; it wouldn't give him much energy, so he'd have to eventually sleep properly, wouldn't he? That was what they hoped for, at least. They just had to keep trying.

 

Morning broke a third time. "Good morning," they greeted, remembering that he did this last time. The only response they got was a quiet grunt; he seemed too tired to pay attention to them. Nevertheless, he got up and dragged himself to the kitchen; they guessed his plan was to live off caffeine for now. As usual, he started his day. They talked to him in the midst of his work, but it still didn’t earn them any acknowledgement from him. They didn't bother him too much, only chiming in every now and then between thoughts. Bitterness started to quietly sprout inside them, but they were still desperate enough not to give up.

It was nearing sunset when he mumbled them an absent-minded "shut up", preoccupied with something else. Not exactly very constructive conversation, they admitted, but it was better than nothing. If they could just convince him that this was all normal, the rest would go smoothly. But he wasn't that quick to believe the first easy solution, irritably, and so it had to take time.

Hours passed in one dull stream. Sometime when the sky had already darkened, he picked up that book again, hoping to ward off sleep once more. They sighed and took an opportunity to rest. They had hoped progress would be quicker than this. They wandered off into their thoughts, and, preoccupied, they didn't even notice at first when they shifted into consciousness. They could see again, the words on the pages blending into each other at first, but then their vision clearing up. Taken aback, they stared at the text in confusion; they tried to move, and realized they didn't sense the body like usual - they couldn't feel anything, and they were just... there, like a spectator. This wasn't exactly what they wanted, but it was something, and maybe if they learned why this happened they could know how to take control themself.

They faintly heard Sean reading the words on the page; it seemed that over the course of the last few days his thoughts had been, slowly but surely, leaking into the space they occupied in his mind. They weren't sure why this was happening, but it would surely prove useful to know what he was feeling. He hadn't seemed to notice them sharing his vision yet, so they stayed quiet. His hand turned page after page after page; he was reading some fancy novel they didn't care much for. This went on for about half an hour, or maybe more. They got bored pretty quickly and caught their attention slipping, causing them to shift back to the back of his mind. They didn't mind that much, as he'd fall asleep sooner or later, and they could have a shot at it again, if they were lucky. They hoped they would be.

Surely enough, he'd fallen into his slumber quickly after; his body could only take that much sleep loss, and Sean rested in a proper, deep trance this time. They tried to keep calm, but they were impatient; would it happen again? Will it last for long? Will he know-

 

In the midst of their worrying, they'd blinked their eyes open, and found themself staring at the ceiling. Joy pulsed through their veins, followed by a pang of disappointment, knowing this wasn't for long. They knew they had to be careful and try not to wake him, but it was hard to remember as they took in the feeling again. They sat up, pushing the book off their chest, and hesitantly pet their face. Sean didn't wake up like last time, and they felt some relief, standing up fully. Overcome with a desire to feel, almost as if they were severely touch-starved, they hugged themself tightly, digging their fingernails into their sides. Pain wasn't something they had experienced much of, but it was strong and distinct, and they liked that.

Wavering for only a few seconds, they gave into their impulses and threw all caution to the wind; they decided to make the most of this. So they danced around the room, delighted at how precisely they could control the body, they sat on the floor simply playing with their hair, they smiled.

When they were satisfied, they decided to look around the rest of the house and see what could be done there. After wandering into a few of the rooms and finding nothing particularly interesting, they went into the kitchen; the concept of food intrigued them, so they grabbed whatever they saw first in the fridge and gave it a strong bite. In this case, it happened to be a lemon; taste was still very new to them, but they enjoyed this sharp explosive feeling. They didn't seem to have an idea of what sensations were supposed to be bad or unwanted - so they went on to consume the rest of it. Delighted, and probably having done their stomach a great disservice, they moved on and searched for more things to do.

 

They were starting to get tipsy with all of these feelings, slowly losing caution. Suddenly they noticed drops of color staining their shirt; it seemed like they'd bitten their lip accidentally. They reached a finger up and examined the dark blood on it; something about it intrigued and mesmerized them. This liquid was all inside them, they were filled with it... they could almost feel it flowing. Something stirred in their emotion-clouded mind; their train of thought followed a confusing, drunk path - they wondered what it would be like if...? Their eyes snapped to the knife rack on the counter.

Not stopping to hesitate, they calmly wandered over to it and picked out one of the kitchen knives. Taking it out, they examined its shine; they caught their own reflection in it, and met its black stare for a few moments. Then, they gripped the handle carefully, blade pointing down, and abruptly sank it into their left arm.

Pain shot up the limb instantly. In most circumstances, it probably would help clear one's mind, but here it only added to the dizzy euphoria of feelings. Predictably, hot blood gushed out and onto the skin when they removed the knife. It wrapped around their arm before dripping to the floor. Curious, they poked at it, watching light reflect off the liquid. This was arguably what was keeping them alive, and the idea that it could just... escape, like this, and leave someone helpless so fast was fascinating to them.

 

It was at this point that their nerves had fully kicked in, seemingly slowed by their possession of the body. They suddenly felt sick to their stomach and wobbled a few steps backwards, their control of the body evaporating. They shared Sean's vision for a few moments still, and saw him drop the knife and clutch at his arm before it faded away. Forced back out, they suddenly felt very empty, and were no longer overcome with confusing emotions. Realizing the consequences of what they'd done, a mixture of dread and anger washed over them; how could they have ruined it all, just like this?! They didn't know what would happen; whatever it would be, he wouldn't ever willingly let them take control now.

The rest of the night Sean spent awake. They could hear his anxious, panicked thoughts, a lot clearer now than before. They could almost see themself pitying him, but mostly they just felt rising frustration. They'd never really cared much for him - there was maybe a flicker of attraction or sympathy, but he was just another stranger. They mulled over this for a while. It seemed that after he had dealt with the wound, he'd started to calm down slowly - his fear still spiked every now and then, and he was obviously still very on edge, but after a few hours he was capable of at least doing some work, if just to distract himself. Sometimes his thoughts slipped into their mindspace directly, and they learned he was contemplating telling someone about this. He mostly countered himself with doubts that he didn't even know what was happening himself, but it was on his mind nevertheless. They were wondering what to do themself - obviously, they wouldn't be able to go with their earlier plan now, so what was left? Should they just keep quiet, letting Sean forget about this, and have to be content with quietly being in control every now and then without him knowing? They felt repulsed at the thought. They didn't deserve to live like this. They didn't deserve _any_ of this.

 

Throughout the day they found themself sharing Sean's vision often; it happened sporadically, but each time it gradually grew longer before they were pushed back. Not sure why this was happening, they nevertheless found this useful to find out what he was doing. He'd bandaged his arm up carefully, and although it still was prone to shaking every now and then, he could use it well enough, and it seemed like the wound they dealt wasn’t very deep or serious. Even though he'd done less than usual, he seemed to be trying and doing the things he was supposed to. They could at least admire his work ethic. They had still stayed silent all this time, figuring talking would do more harm than good right now. His thoughts gradually grew clearer and more consistent, though - he wasn't speaking to them, so it's not like he was trying to communicate... if only subconsciously? This intrigued them. Something must be happening to let them passively connect with him more, but what was it?

Evening came again. It seemed like all these days were only dragging on as predecessors to the nights, just filling empty time before the clock could strike. Whispers and words filled the space as Sean's anxiety kicked up again; he had to decide what he was going to do now. He couldn't stay up all night again, especially since his body needed rest to heal. Murmurs filled the background as his breath got shakier; meanwhile they were still trying to decide on a plan of action.

"I can't let it happen again...." Sean's voice interrupted them, weightless and so soft in the air. They were suddenly pulled into vision again, seeing his hands shake as he sat on the edge of his bed. Then it hit them. "Of _course!_ " they failed to keep it to themself, making their voice warp around the mindspace loudly. Oh, it should've been obvious. This explained everything that was going on - even from the moment they found themself bound to this human. Their frustrating uncertainty washed away, and they felt glad and, for the first time, something akin to being powerful.

"It's _you!_ You're doing this to yourself!" they exclaimed gleefully, instantly deciding how to manipulate this discovery to their advantage. "You could've ignored me! Oh, you could've believed me when I said it was just you, and none of this would have happened. I gave you a chance. I gave it to you!" They paused, letting him process their words fully. "But now, every time you think of me, you're giving me power. Aren't you so glad that you didn't take the easy way out?"

Oh, and they were so hopeless only a day ago; they thought they'd ruined it all, when in reality they'd possibly done themself the biggest favor they could. Now that he had a physical proof of them, it would be a lot harder not to remember them each time he'd glance at his injury. They shouldn't have doubted themself. They never should have. And they still felt uncomfortably empty and they still longed to be fully alive, but they weren't desperate anymore; they were on the other side of the struggle now.

 

In the midst of their relief, they didn't notice Sean's anxiety flooding in right away, pulsing along with his rapid heartbeat. He stuttered a raspy, "I don't- I'm-" But, panicked thoughts were their best bet right now; they circled around and around, trapping the mind in a hyperfocus and not letting go. They felt his lungs expand and collapse rapidly, cold air rushing back and forth, but still he rose to his feet and scrambled to find something. Puzzled, they watched him shakily find a small bottle and taking a few of the tablets inside. He swallowed them up quickly, not wasting any time. They'd gotten a glance at the label - sleeping pills; he was a smart one, they'd give him that. Their vision flickered off as he let himself fall onto the bed again, and in some minutes he fell into a cold, heavy sleep.

The veil of drowsiness was too heavy for them to overcome; yet, at least. He was sleeping too deeply for dreams, so they couldn't do anything there either. The only thing they could do was wait; but wasn't that the only thing they were doing all this time? It couldn't be too long now until they had what they were after. But the cold emptiness around them was starting to feel eerily similar to wherever they were before they could call themself alive. Unsettled, they reassured themself of what they'd already done - hell, they had physical evidence of it right there on his body. It was their mark on him, and on this universe. But... but wounds healed; and he'd forget, with time, he would, if they were to just evaporate right now. They didn't like this fear creeping up on them, when they felt powerful only... hours before? Has it been days? It was always hard to tell time here. But they waited nonetheless, suppressing their fearfulness; they'd have what they wanted if they could go just a little more. They knew it. Didn't they?

 

In the drowsiness of their light rest, they caught a needle of sunlight poking at the corner of their eye. Oh, was it really? Were they seeing things? Anticipation swelled inside them before crashing down into cold relief; rays were slowly filling up the space, signaling his waking up. It had been the longest night of their life; they returned to the same thoughts over and over, and only after a long and exhausting time convinced themself to try and rest. There'd been no hint of the confidence and power they almost emitted what seemed like days ago, but now it was over, and now it was okay. They sighed, and wondered if Sean was up now. Almost as if in reply, his voice grumbled a tired, "Morning," seemingly still too sleepy to remember last evening.

"Sleep well?" they taunted almost affectionately, satisfied by the first shock of fear, and then a whole wave of anxiety piercing the mindspace. "Did you think I'd let you go so easily?" They could feel the power flow into them again, filling that empty reservoir of fear, at least for now, and they wanted more. "You can't run away forever, and you know that. In fact, you can't run away at all!" They tried to choose their words carefully, picking out the ones that would make the most impact, but sometimes their excitement overtook them. "Who are you?" Sean asked with a shaky breath, but his voice held fearlessness. This question didn't occur to them before. Who were they? How could they know? But hesitating would give away their uncertainty, so they shot a curt, "Nothing you could understand." He didn't seem to be satisfied with this, but he didn't press on further. But the question hung about at the back of their mind, making them the slightest bit uneasy.

A little thrown off balance with this, they didn't know how to continue, so they allowed him to do what he wanted for a little while; he was of course still thinking of them, so it wasn't a waste of time. They'd soon shared his vision - it seemed like they could almost do it at will now, and figured out he was doing some sort of research. Restless, they tried to take control, even though they didn't expect it to work - and oh, there was a twitch of his left hand; they weren't certain if it was just a spasm from the injury or whether they had caused it, so they tried it again. And again, the fingers jumped a tiny bit, getting his attention. They couldn't do much more yet, but this could eventually lead them to be able to take possession of the body or at least parts of it by their own will; anticipation and excitement grew, and they wondered what else they could do. Focusing on the screen his eyes were resting on, they tried to reach out as much as they could. They could almost feel it now, sort of cold and shiny in the distance, slightly fuzzy with electricity....

 

The monitor flickered, strings of red and green appearing, and then went back to normal. Their excitement grew. Again! The screen jumped and shifted a small bit, text blurring into itself, prompting an annoyed sigh from Sean. He didn't seem to suspect anything just yet, not even aware they could share his vision, so they didn't want to reveal themself quite at this moment. And anyway, it seemed like they'd have to wait and sort of gather their energy for their powers to work the best they could. Quite satisfied with this information, they turned their attention back to their human. "Do you really think you're gonna learn anything about me like this?" they groaned. "Have you ever even heard about anything like this?" They humored the idea of letting him reply for just this once.

There was hesitant silence, then a careful voice muttered, unsure of whether he should be responding, "Well- I've heard of illnesses and-" "Oh, how can you be so _stupid!_ " They cut him off purposefully, spilling their words into his mind. "Is any part of this, of _me_ , you? Do you finally believe that now? You're just a little too late there! And you can't control me, you can't cure this 'illness'!" They could almost feel themself grinning. "And this weakness is your fault." They knew they had to keep putting that idea in his head; nothing could break a person more than being blamed for their own demise. They didn't know whether his mental state affected how easy it was to take control or not, but they were willing to try; and anyway, anxiety was always on their side, so it wasn't really much of a decision.

They figured he was feeling pretty frustrated - perhaps even trying to ignore them. But to block them out completely would take an incredible mental effort, and frankly, they didn't think he had it in him. They were feeling perhaps a little reckless now; it wasn't a tipsy ignorance this time, but rather excess power-fueled confidence - and confidence was even more dangerous when it was forced. And so they decided it would provide some entertainment to try and piss him off even more; after all, what could he really do to them? "Oh, you're feeling a little mad now?" They paused, as if to give him chance to reply, even though they knew he wasn't going to. "Are you angry that I'm still here? That you can hear my voice? You just can't ignore me, huh..." They could feel a growl just slightly rising up inside him. "Maybe I'll just keep talking. To keep you company, you know? No one cares about you anyway, so I might as well."

 

They mentioned almost offhandedly, "Isn't it fun how you can't stop helping me get more powerful? Even though you try, and try, and you block me off, and you distract yourself - but I'm still there?" They waited for a few seconds. Sure enough, Sean responded, deciding to keep relatively calm, "Why don't you shut the fuck up?" Oh, they were getting excited! Interest aroused, but still keeping up the pretense of trying to reason with him, they returned, "Oh yes, sure, but I kind of… don't want to? There's really nothing you can do... so I, uh, don't know how to say this," they cut coldly without hesitation, "but you're powerless. None of that 'you can do anything you can set your mind to' bullshit you like so much, either! Isn't it at least a little amusing? All you have to do is just not listen to me. But you - can't - do - that!"

Honestly, they could keep this up for hours, simply satisfied that it was eating away at him and he'd explode eventually. They didn't have any sort of malicious intent to hurt him specifically - it just felt good, sort of letting out all their own frustrations and bitterness like this. "What, can you not even reply? Are you just going to keep trying?" Silence. "Admit it! You can't do it! You just don't have the strength for it!" They waited for a spare moment, and then screeched, voice rising to its loudest. " _Admit it!_ " Finally, Sean's pressure built up just enough and he cracked; he spat a no less loud, emotion-filled " _God, just- **Fuck you!**_ " His voice was no longer that dull electric tone, but it was boiling water, and it was cold lightning, and it was jarring. It felt almost scalding, but oh, they were _exhilarated_ ; his suppressed breath, threatening to come out in another outburst any second, was music to their ears. All their own frustrations had almost been released, cleansed, they could say; they could see this becoming addicting.

" _Thank_ you," they taunted smoothly, arguably with some sincerity, but making sure to let him hear the notes of condescension. "You've proven my point. You can keep your anger; maybe you'll need it later." He didn't grace them with a response, but they didn't much care for one, anyway. Their confidence only grew; if so far everything they'd done and all the risks they had taken have benefited them in some way, what reason would they have to doubt themself? It was almost like when they were still unaware of their limits, long ago. They felt tempted to rile him up again, but ultimately decided to let him cool off by himself. It was a much slower and not very pleasant process, so they left him to it, not bothering him.

 

By the looks of it, Sean wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary as he was slowly simmering down. Of course, they weren't sharing his vision all of the time, but since he didn't seem aware of it, he'd hardly have a reason to hide his actions. He was still doing some of his research every now and then, but it didn't seem like he'd reached any conclusions. But it did get them thinking.... were there others like them out there? Like them.... but who even were they? Everything they'd ever known was them and this person they found themself bound with, and they hadn't even considered the existence of other people yet. Hell, they didn't really consider their own existence either - they were usually too preoccupied with trying to get their body back, and on the occasions that they did contemplate it, like last night.... well, it wasn't pleasant.

  
Now, they were suddenly aware of this entire world around them; it felt almost crushing. What was out there? How many people were there, absolutely unaware of their existence? They felt like they'd gone transparent for a second; the thought of so many people, simply not caring about them... it was chilling. They found a deep-buried, primal drive within themself to be cared about, to be thought of, to be _noticed_. Cold fear creeped up on them; they couldn't stand feeling like this. Mildly panicked and not wanting to experience this right now, they quickly turned their attention back to Sean; at least this was one person who knew of them and cared, be it in a good or bad way, about them. As their eyes blinked open, they realized that they missed the hours ticking by; it seemed to be evening already. He was in bed this time, doing something on his phone. He seemed to have mostly forgotten about them for now, and wasn't angry anymore.

"Hey." No response. Impatiently, they demanded attention again and a little louder, "Hey!" He let out a frustrated huff, but stayed silent. "What, are you still angry at me? For god's sake, grow up already," they snapped, but their echo betrayed notes of fear. Oh, he was stubborn. They waited for a few minutes, but gave in and continued again, growing angrier and more desperate, "I'll _make_ you answer me! You'll break eventually!"

"I don't _have_ to do anything." His voice was cold and flat. It didn't give them as much comfort as they'd thought it would, doing little to extinguish their anxiety. They could feel an irrational rage growing inside them, fueled by fear and a desire to get more of a reaction from him. "I'll crush you," they spoke, voice strange and almost croaking. "I'll break you! You can't ignore me!"

 

They saw a shiver of fear pass through his limbs. "You can't do anything, I- I!" They choked on their words. They noticed his left arm slowly reaching towards the bottle on the bedside table. Their fury flared; in a moment, his hand was at his throat, not quite gripping it but threatening to. " _Do you think you can escape from me?!_ " they shrieked, their voice almost incomprehensible from distortion. It took them a moment to realize they'd taken control; they had to expend quite a lot of effort and concentration to keep it up, but their anger supplied both freely. They could hear his suppressed panting; despite his terror, he spoke, voice cracking, "I didn't do _anything_ to you! I don't deserve this! You're- you're not my fault!" But they could hear the quiet doubt hidden in his words. "Do you think you're such a good person?! That you're perfect and blameless? You're _disgusting_. Pathetic, weak, and egotistical! That's what you are!"

His breathing had gotten heavier; his body was almost struggling from being between these two owners. Drops of sweat glistened on his skin, and they could feel it becoming harder and harder to keep their grip. Deciding to give it all they had, they thrust the hand forward and grabbed his throat tightly; screaming, yet almost whispering, they spoke, "You're _mine_ now. I'm never letting you go! Never, do you hear me?!" They could see Sean's vision getting spotty. Mouthing for air, he managed to gasp a weak "Stop this! Stop this! Please!" They didn't lighten their hold themself, but as the body was threatening to fall unconscious, their control was slipping away, until finally his hand dropped down, leaving red marks on his throat. He broke down into coughing, tears welling up from the intensity of all this. They felt satisfied; as much as he'd like to, he really couldn't ignore them. Seeing him reach for the sleeping pills a second time some minutes later didn't anger them anymore. They weren't afraid of the darkness this time.

He reached into the bottle and picked up two tablets. The nights and the days seemed to blend into each other, separated only by the evenings and the pills; just a stream of events and of moments until finally they were strong enough. There was progress, though. The next day they'd managed to crash his phone, and he was starting to suspect it was their doing. They continued to taunt him, reaffirming: it's your fault, it's your fault, over and over and over. They didn't tire of it. He still didn't speak to them.

 

Two pills less, and his anxiety was getting to him. It was eating away at him, coming in waves. Something is wrong. It's hard to breathe. The air isn't okay. But he continued. They could hear more and more of his thoughts, and share his vision whenever it was convenient. He couldn't hold out anymore, asking them to stop.

 

One pill less - he'd decided it was enough, despite his fear. He spent the entire day paranoid, wondering if they'd taken over in the night, though - they hadn't, but they weren't about to calm his fears. They preferred to fan the flames instead. He only wished for silence.

 

One pill less, and their constant torment showed results - by the end of the day, he'd broken down into tears. He sobbed and he gasped and he shook; they could almost imagine themself feeling pity, if it didn't bring them well-earned satisfaction. He didn't want to feel like this. It was bad. It was terrible. He wondered what he'd done wrong to deserve it.

 

One pill less, and the bottle was empty. He'd known it was his last one; the last night he stayed up late, despite feeling like the worst thing in the world, trying to save every minute. They knew this too. He woke up fearful, every minute passing painfully. They stayed quiet; still making sure to speak to him, but conserving their energy until the right moment.

This seemed almost too easy. Though, weak as they thought Sean was, they could admit that they were impressed that he was still trying to manage his work and his responsibilities. Even if it mostly served as something else to focus on rather than the voice in his head, he did feel an obligation to try and do something, at the least. He'd just finished a project, in fact; it had been the late afternoon, somewhere around 5 pm. Feeling if not relaxed, then at least less terrified, for the first time in what seemed like many weeks now, he went downstairs. The stairs creaked softly beneath his feet. Meanwhile, they were considering their options; it seemed obvious to simply wait until he was too exhausted to stay up anymore, and the body was theirs.

This would almost certainly work, but.... It was tempting to see him believe until the very end that he could do this, only to prove himself wrong. However, they knew they'd done a good job, and a lot of that hope had been killed off - and simply seeing him succumb to fear and despair wasn't nearly as fun. He knew what was going to happen, and was probably going to prepare himself for it - loading himself up on caffeine or whatnot. It would just drag on, with no satisfying conclusion. Even imagining it left them restless. No, they needed something better, something bigger. They had to attack when he didn't expect it; and they were confident that they were powerful enough that they could possess him even in his awake state, if they tried.

This had to happen soon. Their eyes blinked open to assess the situation; Sean seemed to be watching something on the TV. They didn't want to be distracted, so they cut off their vision in a few seconds; this was good, however - in the past few days their digital powers seemed to have gotten stronger, and they could definitely use this. Through small experiments, they had found that prolonged manipulation of devices cost energy, but small, short 'bursts' or glitches could actually provide them a boost of energy, something akin to harnessing the electricity. Of course, this had its limits; only the first time was really effective at all, but it was a good advantage.

In fact, the situation seemed almost as good as it could be; they had to take the opportunity. Nervous energy coursed through them, making them feel like sparks could start flying any second. Were they really doing this? Right now? Finally? Their excitement overpowered their anxiety, and they knew they had to act now. They opened their eyes again, and an unclear feeling struck them. How the universe loved coincidences - this was strangely similar to how they first found themself bound to Sean, focusing their mind on a screen before them and not really knowing what would happen next. Deciding not to dwell on it for long, they put their mind to it. They could've went for a subtle glitch, but they couldn't resist giving him a scare; it's not like they would be hiding for much longer, so why not? A few more moments, and the screen flashed, accompanied by a horrible shriek of the distorted audio, and went black.

 

Sean jumped, not so much from the flash, but what was left after it; his face looked alien and unrecognizable in the reflection, with those two inky eyes staring back at him. "Oh _god_ \- what the fuck?" he breathed out, pawing at his eyes as if almost trying to get the black out of them. They were a bit taken aback themself, not expecting their presence to manifest so soon - nevertheless, the trick had worked, and they had a limited amount of time before this energy was wasted. They were still for a heartbeat, and then... it was time. They focused every scrap of their energy inwards, but outwards at the same time, giving it everything they had; this was their only chance, and it had to work. It _would_ work. Oh, _please_ , let this work-

 

Their eyes shot open, wide as if they'd witnessed something terribly shocking, and they found themself breathing fast and shallow, chest rising and collapsing rapidly. They could feel their hands shaking slightly. Oh, _god_ , they'd waited for this for so _long_! "What the fuck- oh god, oh no no no, oh god please, please-!" Sean's voice shook with terror and panic, trapped in the back of their mind. Loud, piercing high-pitched laughter erupted out of them, dissolving into coughing by the end of it. He was so weak, it was hilarious; how did he ever think he could have stopped them?

They didn't reply to him, blocking out his pleas and wails entirely, far more interested in experiencing their corporeality instead. It felt so good, for the blood to be flowing through them again, and to sense the flesh around their slim frame; they grabbed at their face, scratching and pulling the skin, tugging at their hair, just _feeling_. Finally having this, it was overwhelming in the best possible way. Exhilarated, they fell to their knees, a grin splitting across their face; this is what it all had been for. Oh, they were more angry now at him than they ever had been; how _dare_ he keep this from them? But they would make him pay. It would all be worth it. They breathed out heavily, slumping down, and lifted their head towards the ceiling; they did it. They were strong enough, stronger than anyone else.

 

And yet.... it didn't completely feel like home. There was something still there, making their movements stiff and unnatural. They tried at first to ignore it, closing their eyes and simply breathing, trying to find that feeling. But it nagged at them, and they finally snapped. They knew exactly what it was, and they were going to destroy it. " _You._ " They spoke aloud for the first time, grimacing. Their voice was growling, and it was shifting, and it was saturated with static; you could almost hear a second one behind it, quietly repeating the words just a second too late. " _ **You,**_ " they repeated, fingers curling into a fist. "You coward! Even now, you're still doing it, you're still struggling, like a _pest._ " They dropped their gaze to the floor, something bubbling up inside them. "I've _won!_ You were too weak! You were just a pathetic little-"

Their sentence cut off as they stumbled forward onto their hands, limbs suddenly feeling numb and bile burning in their throat. "You were saying?" His voice burned in the back of their mind, infuriating them; it was scared, and it was struggling, but it was filled with painfully human determination. A strange growling noise escaped them, and they slowly got up to their feet again, movements even more awkward and robotic. "You're not going to do this," they spoke, voice low. "You're going to submit, and you're going to _break_ , and you're going to be miserable." The sunset was pouring in through the window glass; the gold light seemed strangely lonely and cold, capturing that fleeting bittersweet feeling you get in the evenings of the late summer. They stood still, breathing heavily, and their dark silhouette almost oozed with deep, suppressed rage. "And what if I don't want to do that." It wasn't a question, but rather a quiet statement.

"It doesn't _matter_ what you want!" they snapped, figure tensing. "You don't have a choice! You don't have it!" Another wave of weakness passed over them like a cold sweat. " _You_ trapped me in here, it was all your fault! You're the one responsible for all this mess!" Their breathing grew faster. They didn't start out believing it was his fault, but when you repeat something over and over, burrowing it deep into someone's mind, it's hard not to convince yourself of it too. Besides, they were hardly going to take the blame themself - who would they be if they did that? But now they knew: it was his doing, it was always _him_. He bound them to this world, essentially trapping them here, and now he dares complain? They were ready to snap; all this rage was asking to spill out of them, despite feeling like they might collapse on the spot. "Do you hear me?! You're the monster here!" they shouted, their voice almost ripping apart the soft silence in the air.

 

A wet feeling on their skin puzzled them. Confused, they whisked their fingers across their face; glancing back down at them, they found them stained with... tears? They stared at the watery substance for a few moments before realizing what had happened. Cruel satisfaction flowed through them, but the fact that he could influence the body even in this small, unintentional way concerned them. "You have nothing to say for yourself," they spoke, not letting their anxiety show. Their vision continued to blur, but there was no reply. Taking it as a good sign, they stepped forward; a little shaky, but they kept on their feet. This was quite frustrating - all they wanted to do was to just have this and experience it, not to panic over every little move.

Nevertheless, they felt a little more secure, and began brainstorming a course of action. If they could get their hands on one of the knives again... it could be a useful threat to keep Sean from getting in their way any more. They didn't know what would happen to them if they were to actually kill this body, but they didn't think they would have to go that far, as he seemed quite eager to survive. Deciding this was good enough, they made their way towards the kitchen; from an outsider's view, their movements would have seemed just unnatural and broken enough to illicit a quiet, but deeply anxious, unsettling feeling.

As they entered the room, they looked around to find the knife rack missing from its usual place. They hadn't considered the possibility of him having put it away. Irritated, they began to search the cabinets; he'd hardly have just gotten rid of it, so it had to be somewhere around here... But, after a thorough search and even having emptied out all the contents on the floor, they found nothing in them either. Their skin crawled with exasperation; frustrated and not caring anymore, if they ever did, they kicked a glass container beside them into the counter side, smashing it into pieces. Broken glass and spilled contents littered the floor, but they couldn't be done yet.

God, where could he have...? Out of ideas, they made their way over to the fridge - it was worth a try, right? But suddenly, their legs buckled, and they fell down to the floor, only barely quick enough to shield their face with their arms. "God, what is happening to me..." they groaned to themself, taking a moment before getting up to their knees. They made sure they felt steady before standing up, still ending up stumbling an awkward few inches. Disgruntled and perhaps a little disheartened, they opened the door of the refrigerator and-

 

"What the hell are you doing!" they yelled, having fallen down _again_ and only managing to keep themself up by holding onto the door. They were acutely aware of their weakness, and they did not like feeling like this. "Are you amusing yourself like this? Is that it?" Their skin felt like it was crawling; they could almost feel Sean laughing at them. They couldn't hear his thoughts when they were possessing him, but this had to be why he was doing this - god knows they would be in his situation. There was no reply. It felt like shame and anxiety was burning them from the inside, but they pushed through and picked themself back up, still holding onto the door just in case. They finally got a look inside - and there it was, cold metal attractively shimmering in the flickering of the light. They had to admit it was a good hiding place, but not good enough, evidently.

They reached out to grab it, but their arm didn't want to cooperate, frozen in place a few inches from the knife. "Will you stop being so stubborn?! I've already found it! You're not going to accomplish anything like this!" they snapped, struggling and trying to move it further. "You are- not going to get this! Fuck off!" His voice showed signs of exertion as well. But he was so weak, they knew he was; how was he resisting them like this? Frustration rising up again, they pushed more and more, barely moving a fingertip. "Let... go!" they grunted, arm now starting to shake from all this contention. In the reflection of the blade, they saw their eyes shifting from black to white and back, almost as if milk and ink dancing inside them. They gave it all they had; slowly, shakily, their fingers moved towards it. Oh, they were almost there- just a few centimeters more- _please_ \- only a single moment...!

 

A jolt forward, and the arm forcefully dropped, hitting the shelf. Sean was still hunched over and shaking slightly; his breath came out in broken pants as he gathered himself together. A few moments passed before he straightened up, illuminated by the dwindling light. Tentatively, he hovered his hand over the knife, seemingly contemplating something. He picked it up carefully, letting his hand stay at his side and stepping away. A sigh escaped him, and he turned around, gazing over the room for a few still seconds before starting out towards the living room. But he only took a few steps, then suddenly freezing in his tracks; his free hand was slowly reaching up, climbing up his body. It moved higher and higher, up his chest and farther; his pupils dilated, swallowing up the blue in his eyes, his chest rose faster, and he wasn't daring to move.

Sean's heart skipped a beat; the fingers grazed his lips, quietly slowing down to a halt. They rested there, touch light. He was holding his breath. The air felt dry, tension almost enveloping him.

 

For just a few seconds, everything was still.

 

Instantaneously and without warning, the hand lurched upwards, fingers arching and grabbing his face; nails dug painfully into the skin, locking it in a vicious grip. " _AH!_ " Sean yelped in pain and shock, dropping the knife and attempting to pry the hand off. Their voice screeched all around him, "I hate you! You're abhorrent, abhorrent, _disgusting!_ " His hand clasped around the wrist, desperately trying to tear it away. They felt like they were ablaze, destroying and rebirthing themself like a flame every single second; they could feel the pain they were causing, but it only fueled them further.

"You asked me who I was," they hissed, almost pushing out their voice through his windpipe. "If I have to be someone, I want to be the antithesis of _everything_ you stand for!" That's who they were; the opposite, The Antithesis, simply Anti.

A new surge of hateful energy gushed through them; they ripped their hand away, making him stumble forward and nearly fall. "Why are you doing this?!" he cried out, barely finding his balance again. His hunched position communicated his fear easily. Anti took no hesitation. Swinging their arm as far back as they could, they threw their fist up; pain cracked their fingers as they landed on his cheekbone. The collision made a painful sound - and an even more painful sensation. "Wouldn't - you - like - to know!" they hissed between a series of quicker hits, delighted in the way he stumbled weakly with each one. Blood quickly stained their fingers.

"Oh god! No, oh fuck, no-" he yelped and gasped, trying to cover his face with his other hand. Genuine terror shaped his words. They derived a cruel enjoyment from feeling pity towards him and yet causing him this pain - like they were overcoming this weakness of sympathy. This was more than revenge, more than simply wanting control; they were motivated by something bigger. Another hit. Another. "Stop! No!" He was barely keeping his eyes open at this point, either from pain or as to try and hinder them. Nevertheless, their sense of where the body was in space proved to be accurate enough for the task. Their knuckles felt sore, and his face felt like it was up in flames and agony; delighted by these sensations, they brought their fist down again, smudging blood.

" _God,_ you're a coward," they spoke, contempt lacing their words. "Dosing yourself with pills just to escape from me! Is that what you call bravery?!" They delivered a punch to his chest as if to punctuate the end of their words.

"There's a difference between bravery and foolishness," Sean coughed out, voice quiet and dusty. "And you think you know what that difference is, do you?" they mocked, drawing their arm back. They felt him flinch, and took the opportunity - going for the throat instead of the face.

Their hand shot forward and wrapped around his neck instantly, earning them a choked gasp of surprise. They pressed on, pushing him to the wall. His hand grabbed their wrist, wrestling desperately for freedom. "How have you not learned it yet?" Their voice was clear and strong, seemingly projecting itself out despite his suffocating. "You're _weak_. It wouldn't have come to this if you just... stopped! If you just stopped thinking, stopped worrying, stopped..." A growl rumbled inside them. They _hated_ him for succumbing to his own anxiety like this. "Don't you dare blame this on me when it's you who's allowed me to do all of this!" they hissed, grip tightening in anger. It was crushing, dry, robbing of breath; contrast to that, they felt themself fill with energy and untapped power. They wished they could stare into his eyes at this very moment, capturing the exact second terror overtook him.

 

Anti hesitated. Their hand unclasped, letting him drop down, and a twinge of disappointment itched inside them. His coughing and gasping flooded the air; they didn't want to just kill him, which would defeat the whole purpose of this, and they weren't sure they would've been able to stop had they gone on for longer. At this point, they were fully aware that they could overtake control of the entire body again; but that wasn't their goal anymore. As Sean let himself slump forward, leaning against the wall, they saw him part his eyes and glance towards the knife that had been left dropped on the floor. "What are you going to do, cut my arm off?" they spoke mockingly. "I could've done that for you, if you just... let me have it and didn't make this so difficult!"

They blew out an irritated sigh. "Aren't you going to answer me?" He never did grace them with much conversation, did he. "I'm not done with you! Do you want me to continue now, is that it?" His fingers twitched. "Fuck you," he finally spoke, and they could almost feel him glaring. "I'll take that as a yes," and something akin to excitement buzzed in their shifting voice.

 

Sean was rapidly knocked back. His shoulders and back were pinned to the wall like they were welded to it; it almost felt like an intangible outside force, but it was his own body holding him in place, and it was infinitely more terrifying. A warm flash illuminated the room. Sharp edges cut shadows and colors shimmered bright all of a sudden; he glanced up to see the light turned on, pulsing dimmer and brighter. "It's almost like a heartbeat, isn't it?" Anti observed eagerly. They raised their stained hand, and you could've sworn you could see sparks dancing between their fingers for a split second. The light started flickering faster, with irregular bouts of white light and near-darkness; his chest felt tighter as his heart quickened. The light kept on, flickering almost painfully fast now; their hand reached forward quietly. Their fingers clasped to a fist in a swift motion, palm shaking slightly from the strain.

There was no delay; the light killed instantly, almost exploding in brightness for a millisecond before dusk flooded the room again. They heard a strained choke, and his breathing interrupted. Struggling to move his arm, he grabbed at his chest, motions panicked and erratic. He brought his palm down spasmodically as if trying to strike his heartbeat back into it. Terror filled his every movement. But after a good amount of unsuccessful tries his panic rose again, and he grabbed his throat instead. His fingers twitched in disbelief as they came in contact with it. There, right under his skin, a pulse was beating steadily; quiet but strong, it kept going. Suddenly, he gasped, and his breath returned - and there was no longer a tugging ache in his chest. He fell limp as he could in what you could almost call relief, if terror wasn't blocking anything else he felt.

"Clever!" they remarked as he was taking a moment to recover. "You almost fell for that, didn't you? You should know better than anyone... Just because you can't feel something, it doesn't mean it's not there." Anti paused. The darkness of the room, even with the strip of ashen sky outside the window, felt familiar, in a simultaneously comforting and yet anxious way. "How did... how did you do that," Sean spoke, grimacing from pain. How _did_ they do it? It was all rather instinctual. They hadn't known they were capable of these powers of illusion; but right now their abilities were heightened, more potent than ever before. "Are you forgetting who's in control here? I'm only _letting_  you be a part of this. I can do whatever I want with this body, and aren't you glad you're here to feel it too?"

 

They grew silent. It was tempting to rough him up a little more, just to tear him apart, just to feel his pain, but that wasn't really the type of scarring they were looking for; his voice sounded again, frustratingly resolved. "Then there's your answer. You're doing this. Not me. You can't blame me for any of this; the blood is on your hands." A hiss rumbled in their throat. "Don't you think you're so smart. It may be on my hands," they drew the back of their hand down his cheek, leaving a smudging streak of red, "but you're the one who's going to have to wash it off."

They'd been telling him it was his fault, his fault, _his fault_ , - he had been anxious, terrified, _desperate_ , he had broken down because of it, but apparently it wasn't enough. They would _make_ him believe it, if they spent years drilling it into his head, making it just as painful as literally doing so.

 

A new surge of power flowed into them from the ground up, separating his body from the wall and making him rise to his knees. His eyes were closed, and head hung down, seemingly making no attempt to fight. Almost unnaturally quick, they snapped it back, eyes shooting open to stare at the ceiling; the sight of his silhouette would've been quite unnerving. There was a pause, the black silence as if resting in anticipation.

 

"I'm here," Anti spoke quietly, but with force and deep power. The fuzzy electric undertone in their voice showed through strongly. "I'm here," they repeated, volume rising. They didn't move. "I'm here, and I'm worthless." The sound felt warmer, and it echoed just a second too late. "I'm here, and I'm not good." Louder. The echo was more clearly defined. It wasn't repeating the words perfectly, almost with a note of struggle. Their throat grew scratchy. "I'm here, and I am worth nothing!" The chant grew to a yell, and it was apparent; they dragged his voice out along with theirs, it gripping roughly at the inside of their throat as it was forced out. "I'm here, _and I did this!_ " the two bellowed, louder than ever in his life, and lights suddenly flickered in white bursts in time with their voices.

The sound felt so desperately oppressing - it was like the whole body was held down by this wave, this force, and it was the only thing keeping the windpipe from being ripped straight out with their voices. The blank stare of their inky eyes kept still. Their muscles tensed, and their breathing deepened; they were clearly preparing themself for something. A twitch of a finger caught their attention - was he...? He'd given up, hadn't he? He clearly didn’t have much control now, if they could force him to speak against his own will. Why now? It didn't matter, anyway; they were at their strongest right now. They refocused. Their eyes closed, and in the silence they could almost hear their eyelashes brushing against skin. A deep breath, and a moment of pause.

 

" _I'm here, and I am **never leaving!**_ " The scream erupted out of them violently, their whole body swaying forward. It almost seemed like the piercing, electrical noise hung about in the air for just a second after. The corners of their lips had cracked from the strain, dark blood seeping out, and they could tell something had finally ruptured in their throat too. The lights flashed chaotically in an eye-straining dance of blinding light and pitch darkness; it made them look sharp, and cutting, and unnatural. Once again, their heart felt dead and cold. Anti could feel it - this had been a metamorphosis. They weren't bound by the rules of this world, not anymore, not completely.

They dropped their head down and let their breath out, panting quickly and heavily; blood dripped from their mouth, pooling up on the floor slowly. Their limbs felt cold and shaky, and they were absolutely exhausted. This was how birth always was, wasn't it? Always messy and bloody and weak. But they would find even greater strength through this. They stayed still for a moment, eyes shut. The pulsating light enveloped them, covering their shaking, breathless form. Their bruised face read as confident and uncertain at once, exhausted but full of energy; they could almost-

 

Quite unexpectedly, their whole upper body heaved forwards, and they almost lost their balance. "What are-" they croaked, only to be cut off by another spasm. They finally realized what was happening; as he pulled the body back upright, they tried to resist. But, it seemed that when the body was drained, and weak, and beaten, it was more eager to respond to its original owner; they barely managed to slow him down at all, and he was already growing more and more powerful.

His overtaking was steady and quick, and it caught them completely by surprise. It was happening so fast; they couldn't feel their legs anymore, and they felt his struggling grimace shape their face before they got a chance to say another word. It was clear; he knew what he was doing, and he was going to try until his last breath. As a last attempt, Anti desperately stretched out their arm, up, up, trying to reach _something_ ; it was almost like they were trying to hold onto this world, this state. But, his breath formed into strained groans, putting in even more effort, and they felt the control drain outwards and flow out of their stained fingertips.

 

The moment his hand dropped, the lights went out in what almost seemed like a flash of darkness; his eyes shot open, and just for a second they glowed with a brilliant white light before settling back into their normal pastel-blue color. Everything was silent for a moment, the night sounds filling the room again. His slumped silhouette seemed almost asleep against the wall. He'd won, won for now at least, won this moment of respite. Coughing up red, bruised and dripping with pale drops of mixed tears and blood, he didn't seem like much of a victor, but... He overpowered them, and he didn't give up hope when they mercilessly beat him to the ground over and over with their words and their wounds, and he knew how to wait for just the right moment to strike. He felt... miserable, absolutely miserable, wretched. Pride or courage were nowhere near him right now, but it was bravery nonetheless. Bravery to stand up, and to survive.

 

They read all this easily. His thoughts were once again open to them when they returned to the mindspace; as for their own... they weren't all that disappointed. Sure, they would have liked to stay in possession of him for much longer, and they felt resentful for how he caught them so off-guard, but their work had been done - this would scar his mind forever, no one could deny that. This is what they were really after - they didn't care about being human, or being alive, or being permanently here anymore. They knew there was no changing their nature; they were still cold, still foreign, still shifting.

And they knew they could be ripped from this world at any moment. And they told themself they weren't scared of it anymore, it didn't terrify them to their core, it didn't haunt them, they were stronger than that. But so, they realized they needed to leave their mark on this world - a mark that people wouldn't forget, one that would never leave. People often talk about wanting to change the world, but change isn't always good. Good deeds are forgotten, taken for granted, all too soon; catastrophes, tragedies, wounds on this earth.... those left scars. Scars on the minds of those who witnessed them, those who were affected by them. Those didn't fade out quite so easily. They kept the person trapped, always coming back and experiencing it again and again, wounding them before they could heal.

If they couldn't occupy the minds of all their victims, reminding them of their existence, because they were bound to just one, this would be an excellent alternative source of power. They'd reached the limit of power they could get from just one person, no matter how traumatized and constantly anxious he could be; now Anti needed more. More people to supply them, more people to think of them, more people to help them. It didn’t matter where or who they were, as long as they were thinking of them.

A plan was already brewing, developing within them. They just had to get their existence out there. People were attracted to things they found strange and unsettling; morbid curiosity, as they say. They would fuel them and fill them up, and once they realized that the blood of their deeds was on their hands too.... well, there you get your scars. A passion burned inside them; a clear goal was all they needed to feel powerful again. Oh, yes, they knew the perfect way to do it; it was going to be a lot of work, but it was going to be _brilliant_.

 

Anti turned their attention back to Sean momentarily. That strange sympathy sparked inside them again; they knew he'd never be the same person as he was before today. As if to separate his previous life from this new existence, they spoke.

 

"Say goodbye."


End file.
